my whole life i’ve been that girl that loves to be surrounded by friends. always hanging out with someone, always making a new friend, always loving the feeling of being loved. i’m still that same girl, but something’s changed inside of me. i don’t know if i just found out what really matters in life and who really matters..or if it’s gotten to the point where i just don’t care anymore. always having so many friends was the best feeling in the world, especially when you could show it off..like at football games and you were always with a group of people, feeling so cool. i craved for that feeling, knowing you will never be alone. but the thing is, i think it took too much effort. i took too much time figuring out every detail of what one person thought of me, and what they wanted out of me. then i would spend my time shaping my personality and looks to exactly what they wanted in a friend. i pretty much mastered that art. but somewhere, in the midst of making myself someone different for every single one of my friends..i lost who i really was..the person inside of me that i wanted and needed was gone. and i pretty much just realized that this past summer. i also found my true friends, and to my great(sarcastic) luck, they both go to different schools then me. so coming back to school for junior year was a little tough, because all of my many many friends expected the person that made them happy that was exactly like them..and i wasn’t. i was just me, and i know i disappointed them in a sense, but they would never admit to me. its not like i’ve lost all my friends and i’m not alone 24/7..infact, i haven’t lost any. it’s just my guilt and conscience that i feel like i need to hold on so tightly to my ‘popular’ reputation and hangout with my friends, the in crowd. but im exhausted, i don’t want to keep up with them anymore. they all mean so much too me, but i know deep down inside they aren’t my true true friends, don’t get me wrong, i have 2 or 3 true friends at my school that i love dearly, but it’s a different feeling now. i don’t feel as loved as i use too, or as powerful and popular. im still me, to everyone i haven’t changed..i’m still with the in crowd. but i’ve just decided im not going to go to football games if i don’t want too because my friends are, i’m going to do what i want to do that makes me happy. it may cause confusion to my friends, and i know i will be upset during this transistion..but it will all work out in the end. after all, in 5,10 years..whose going to remember how many football games i went too and how ‘stylish’ i was everyday at school? i’ll answer that for you, no one.
